i just published a couple of back-entries from china where i couldn't access blogger. it's not much, and i haven't posted pictures yet although if you're my friend on facebook you'll probably have seen them already. perhaps there will be more to come later, when i feel like moving my pictures onto picasa or something.
i did this by hand because the (entirely user-coded) utilities that exist for moving from LJ to blogger still don't work. it's because i love you guys that much.
i'm super jet-lagged (i think the extra two hours from being in seattle kind of seal the deal) and i haven't eaten lunch for two days. grarrr. my friend says it's because my liver hasn't caught up to me yet. i'm just going to go to class and then go home and pass out now.
Showing posts with label sleep deprivation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sleep deprivation. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Sunday, December 4, 2011
oh hey, how's life?
why hey yourself, blogosphere. it's certainly been awhile. i just noticed all my previous attempts to move all my old posts and comments over from livejournal, which is kind of pathetic. i've half a mind to delete them, but i guess we'll just let the record stand for now. perhaps someday when blogspot gets its crap together you'll even see the old angsty stuff and the new stuff together on one page without me (pathetically) manually cross-posting every entry. now isn't that exciting?
so...life. well, what can i say? the heartbreak came and went. it knocked me down hard for a few days. actually, i was literally on the floor for quite some time, because the stupid 50 dollar wooden contraption IKEA calls a "bed" finally gave out and i've slept on the floor ever since, and i sleep a freaking lot when i have something to be upset about. i'm pretty sure i've never skipped so much class in my whole life, but whatever, those classes needed skipping anyway.
when do these things ever not suck, right? and especially because it's supposed to be really sweet when lovers visit each other for thanksgiving or whatever. i'm not saying it wasn't, because it was actually pretty nice, but it just really killed me to look back upon it after things fell apart. to remember feeling the happy anticipation of setting out for the airport on wednesday afternoon, the quiet peace of relaxing on the (actually structurally intact) couch with a drink in hand after getting us both back home with all the luggage, the bright-eyed precious fluttering of walking hand-in-hand through the prematurely christmas'ed-out shopping mall. you get the idea.
and the bittersweet sadness just kind of came in this overwhelming wave a few hours after we said our goodbyes at the airport, and threatened to engulf my entire life. i was really fearing that i would be swept away, so little did i have to hold onto after only being a seattleite for three months, and i reacted to the threat with blind anger. i may have said some slightly not-okay things. but they were only the tip of the massively offensive iceberg of resentment and anger that had built up in my brain.
i was just angry at the suddenness of it all, at the total lack of grace demonstrated by deciding to break up with someone after a stupid, meaningless fight, but letting them take you out for a wonderful and romantic night on the town before harshly bringing them back to reality just two kisses away from the security line at the airport. it hurt in a way quite unlike anything i was used to, and i hope my need for some sort of outlet was justifiable.
but, as is pretty evident from the fact that i'm writing about this, it did kind of subside as the week wore on and my class attendance fell by 100%. i kind of realized that, being the sappy and hopeless romantic that i am, i would have been in the same amount of distress given any way it could have possibly happened otherwise. i mean, who am i to say i would've handled the situation more level-headedly if we had slept in separate beds (here i would be saying "beds" with a unignorable note of irony) and kept our distance from each other on saturday? no, i'd probably just be stewing just as hard about how we had wasted the opportunity to have a good time together.
so that's it, i guess. i've worked it out in my head and am no longer angry at her. i do apologize for how i acted in the few days after it occurred, but again, i hope you can understand why i did and take heart in my resolution to move on constructively. i do have a little lingering general bitterness towards the whole world and whatnot, which i guess is not unexpected, and things aren't really so much worse than before.
maybe it's being balanced out by my relief at not living a complicated, semi-official relationship anymore. not to say i don't miss it every hour of the day...i'm just trying to grin and bear it, i guess, and move on with my life. realize that we came to a mutual decision to part, however roundabout that decision was, and actually follow through with the separation like adults, without clinging onto the past or resenting the hell out of each other. the physical distance actually helps, i guess. as do my wonderful friends, bless you all. especially the two or three of you who actually read this...keep in mind that this blog post can and should be used against me if i ever revert to crybaby mode again and need an intervention.
well, that was definitely not the most concise of summaries. you asked. well maybe you didn't, but i told anyway. props if you actually read the whole thing. in other news, for those of you who haven't talked to me lately, i am in seattle (duh) for graduate school, making music with a new band, trying to decide what to do with my life (just because i'm in grad school doesn't mean i have shit figured out), fighting a losing battle against messiness in my new apartment, fighting an even worse losing battle against bad sleeping habits, fighting a decent battle against the urge to eat out at every meal, learning how to socialize with chinese people ... among other things. there are a lot of things that suck right now and need to be fixed, and hopefully i'll have the energy to tend to them soon enough.
but those are other stories, and other novella-length rants, for other times.
goodnight!
p.s. of course i still miss you, livejournal, and your silly emoticons too.
so...life. well, what can i say? the heartbreak came and went. it knocked me down hard for a few days. actually, i was literally on the floor for quite some time, because the stupid 50 dollar wooden contraption IKEA calls a "bed" finally gave out and i've slept on the floor ever since, and i sleep a freaking lot when i have something to be upset about. i'm pretty sure i've never skipped so much class in my whole life, but whatever, those classes needed skipping anyway.
when do these things ever not suck, right? and especially because it's supposed to be really sweet when lovers visit each other for thanksgiving or whatever. i'm not saying it wasn't, because it was actually pretty nice, but it just really killed me to look back upon it after things fell apart. to remember feeling the happy anticipation of setting out for the airport on wednesday afternoon, the quiet peace of relaxing on the (actually structurally intact) couch with a drink in hand after getting us both back home with all the luggage, the bright-eyed precious fluttering of walking hand-in-hand through the prematurely christmas'ed-out shopping mall. you get the idea.
and the bittersweet sadness just kind of came in this overwhelming wave a few hours after we said our goodbyes at the airport, and threatened to engulf my entire life. i was really fearing that i would be swept away, so little did i have to hold onto after only being a seattleite for three months, and i reacted to the threat with blind anger. i may have said some slightly not-okay things. but they were only the tip of the massively offensive iceberg of resentment and anger that had built up in my brain.
i was just angry at the suddenness of it all, at the total lack of grace demonstrated by deciding to break up with someone after a stupid, meaningless fight, but letting them take you out for a wonderful and romantic night on the town before harshly bringing them back to reality just two kisses away from the security line at the airport. it hurt in a way quite unlike anything i was used to, and i hope my need for some sort of outlet was justifiable.
but, as is pretty evident from the fact that i'm writing about this, it did kind of subside as the week wore on and my class attendance fell by 100%. i kind of realized that, being the sappy and hopeless romantic that i am, i would have been in the same amount of distress given any way it could have possibly happened otherwise. i mean, who am i to say i would've handled the situation more level-headedly if we had slept in separate beds (here i would be saying "beds" with a unignorable note of irony) and kept our distance from each other on saturday? no, i'd probably just be stewing just as hard about how we had wasted the opportunity to have a good time together.
so that's it, i guess. i've worked it out in my head and am no longer angry at her. i do apologize for how i acted in the few days after it occurred, but again, i hope you can understand why i did and take heart in my resolution to move on constructively. i do have a little lingering general bitterness towards the whole world and whatnot, which i guess is not unexpected, and things aren't really so much worse than before.
maybe it's being balanced out by my relief at not living a complicated, semi-official relationship anymore. not to say i don't miss it every hour of the day...i'm just trying to grin and bear it, i guess, and move on with my life. realize that we came to a mutual decision to part, however roundabout that decision was, and actually follow through with the separation like adults, without clinging onto the past or resenting the hell out of each other. the physical distance actually helps, i guess. as do my wonderful friends, bless you all. especially the two or three of you who actually read this...keep in mind that this blog post can and should be used against me if i ever revert to crybaby mode again and need an intervention.
well, that was definitely not the most concise of summaries. you asked. well maybe you didn't, but i told anyway. props if you actually read the whole thing. in other news, for those of you who haven't talked to me lately, i am in seattle (duh) for graduate school, making music with a new band, trying to decide what to do with my life (just because i'm in grad school doesn't mean i have shit figured out), fighting a losing battle against messiness in my new apartment, fighting an even worse losing battle against bad sleeping habits, fighting a decent battle against the urge to eat out at every meal, learning how to socialize with chinese people ... among other things. there are a lot of things that suck right now and need to be fixed, and hopefully i'll have the energy to tend to them soon enough.
but those are other stories, and other novella-length rants, for other times.
goodnight!
p.s. of course i still miss you, livejournal, and your silly emoticons too.
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